SLO BYTES PC USER'S GROUP NEWSLETTER August, 1989 How to Destroy Your Hard Disk by Dr. Demento Despite all the stories you've heard, taking care of your hard disk quickly and easily needn't be hard work. It's a simple trick to turn your valuable data into mush, or even make it smoke. All you need is a little insider information. Just to make things simple, I've come up with some tips to help you trash your system in a matter of seconds. If you've been eagerly looking for a way to turn a valuable device into worthless scrap metal, read on. Just follow these 12 simple steps: 1. Wait for the disk operation light to flash, then hit your reset button. You may have to do this several times before it works. 2. Give the command, FORMAT C:, then just type in "Y," no matter what questions you see on the screen. 3. A little-known, undocumented command will make short work of your data. Just enter the command, RECOVER C:, which will take all your files and rename them to things like 23004276.REC. Fun, right? 4. Start a good long operation, like a backup, then lift the front of your computer about six inches. When you let go.....WOW! 5. A favorite of mine is to use a program like Norton's Speed Disk, or OPTUNE, which is designed to get rid of fragmented files. Start the program, then hit the big red switch. This one's guaranteed. 6. Another good method is to use a bit editor. Take a look at the boot sector data. You'll see some funny-looking characters, like smiley faces. Delete a couple of them, just to see what happens. 7. Some users like to use programs like KILLDIR (available in our library). They can remove entire directories with a single command. 8. Don't pay attention to people who say you can't format a MFM disk with an RLL controller. What the heck? It's worth a shot. 9. Never back up your hard disk. It's just too much trouble, and spoils the fun of these tips. 10. Last, but certainly not least, you might try using DEBUG to do a low-level format. Works great. FDISK is another good one. Try removing the current partition. That's always good for a laugh. Dr. Demento is a well-known power user, whose tips and hints often appear in these pages. We hope you'll enjoy them. Library News Sam Powers, our trusty and well-mannered library manager (See excellent photo below), will be glad to help members with their library needs. Just stop in and ask. There's absolutely no charge. It's best if your questions are as vague as possible, since Sam is a master magician at figuring out what disks you need. You might try asking him something like, "I need some kind of program about printers." Those are his favorite questions. At the time of writing this issue of the newsletter, the new disks for the library haven't been chosen. You'll hear all about the new programs at the meeting...in fact I'll announce them at the new user's meeting. I know this, though: Our secretary and librarian, Bob Ward (See excellent photo on page 2) will be searching for the very best software available for the library. Just as soon as he gets back from his well-earned vacation. By the way, those of you with 3.5" drives should take advantage of the club's new computer. It's equipped with a 720K drive for your convenience. Sam even has blank disks available for purchase in the library. Be there or be square! Club Finances Our illustrious club treasurer (See excellent photo above), Teri Sorgatz, has a bone to pick with the members. It seems that the treasury just hasn't been growing the way we'd like. There's not nearly enough money in the bank yet to finance the officers' trip to Hawaii. Never mind the computers we've bought with club funds or the expenses of the BBS and the newsletter. Since Teri may be moving one of these months, the time is drawing short for our Hawaiian Holiday. Bob, Sam, George, and Teri have had their bags packed for a couple of months now, and are beginning to wonder if the trip will ever happen. So...get out there and drag in the new members...buy a few hundred disks...dig deep! Just think how good you'll feel, knowing that your club's officers are soaking up the tropical rays of the sun at your expense. After all....who deserves it more? Don't forget, too, that there'll be exotic drinks with umbrellas in 'em to buy, along with those clever souvenirs. All those things add to the cost. All contributions to the SLO BYTES treasury are tax deductible. In fact, we won't even declare them on our 1040's. SLOW BITES STUFF is an irregular publication of the SLO BYTES PC Users' group of San Luis Obispo County, California. It appears as a replacement for the normal SLO BYTES NEWSLETTER, on those rare occasions when the normal editor is out of town. The editor, Bob Ward (See excellent photo on page 2), regrets this deeply, and hopes you take this issue in the tongue and cheek spirit in which it is published. Editor: George Campbell (See excellent photo on page 1) Art Director: George Campbell Circulation Manager: George Campbell Advertising Director: George Campbell NOTE: The opinions and advice presented in this publication do not reflect the views of the SLO BYTES PC USERS' GROUP, Robert Ward or, in fact, anyone with any sense at all. Do not try any of these tips or techniques yourself. Classified Ads FOR SALE ADAM Computer -- You don't need an AT -- buy my Adam. It does all that stuff. $4750 takes it all. Call me at 555-1234 between 8:33 and 8:37 AM on alternate Thursdays. 5-Megabyte hard disk. This is a full-height model, with all the trimmings. Stores as much as 15 floppy disks. Paid $750. Yours for only $600. Call 555- 1234. WANTED Help Wanted. Must know DOS, Dbase, Ventura Publisher, and program in "C." Full- time position. One week vacation. 25-years experience. Start at $3.54 per hour. Call 555-1234. Know Your Bugs by Professor Ignatz Few computer users are aware of the extreme dangers of bugs. I know, you've all heard of them, but do you really know all you should know? I thought not. Well, students, this class will help you.....excuse me a moment...... Johnny....yes....you in the back row. I must insist that you pay attention! Now....where was I....Oh yes. As I was saying, this class will help you recognize the most common bugs you're likely to encounter. Here are illustrations of the most heinous of them, along with a short description of each. There will be a short quiz on the sixth Thursday of this month. Disk Weevil (Bitis Diskettis) The Disk Weevil (See excellent photo above) lurks in diskette storage boxes, waiting to punch holes in your floppy disks. You can partially protect yourself against this menace by switching to 3.5" disks, which the Disk Weevil finds less attractive. One rarely observes this creature, but the little hole in that floppy disk is some of it's work. Just take a look at a disk, and you'll see the damage. Virus Bug (Injectis Noxious) You may see the Virus Bug harmlessly buzzing about, near windows and light bulbs. Don't be misled, however. This insect is extremely dangerous. It feeds on data, leaving behind any of a number of virii. Symptoms of infection may not be apparent for weeks, or even years and....one moment..... Johnny...if your behavior doesn't improve, you'll have to leave the class! Well, just watch for this one. Ram Worm (Paritycheckus nullus) Burrowing into your RAM chips, this nauseating annelid will soon be nibbling away on the data you have so carefully locked away in your memory. The creature has a special affection for memory-resident software, and is responsible for many unexplained lockups. Cable Bug (Nippus wirii) This almost invisible creature, requiring a strong magnifying glass to observe, can do untold damage. By nipping away at your drive cables and other wires in your computer, the Cable Bug often causes printers to stop printing, and modems to stop ..... uh ..... modeming. Since it is so small, eradication is difficult, at best. Now that you're familiar with the four most common bugs which might infest your computer room, you'll want to read further in this area, I'm certain. Before the next class meeting, I'll expect you all to have read my latest book, Combatting Insectivorous Infestations of Microcomputer Environments. NOTICE! All students should be aware that papers and collections are due in my office no later than the seventh Friday of this month. If you have any questions, call me at 555-1234 between 6:03PM and 6:09PM. The Mailbag We get letters! Boy do we get letters! Thanks to our efficient and modern mail delivery system (See excellent photo below), mail sent to the SLO BYTES mailbox eventually manages to find its way to our door. Our Letters Editor, Bartholomew X. Eruditus (See excellent photo below) makes every effort to answer your mail as quickly as he can. For this issue of SLOW BITES STUFF, we asked him if he'd share some of the interesting and diverting stuff that has recently arrived. Naturally, he was more than happy to agree, especially when the club's officers held a howitzer to his head. Here's a sampling: Dear Mr. Eruditus: Many of my friends tell me that I shouldn't buy an IBM- compatible computer. They recommend the Macintosh, telling me that it's lots easier to use. What's your opinion? Yours Truly, M. Mouse Dear Mr./Ms. Mouse: Well, it's always been my opinion that if you want an Etch- a-Sketch, you can save a ton of money by visiting Creekside Toys. But seriously...there's nothing wrong with Macintosh computers. Once you replace the motherboard with one from an old XT, they seem to work pretty well. Hope that helps.... B. Eruditus Dear Mr. Eruditus: It's been about six months since I wrote to you, and I'm still waiting for an answer. I wrote to find out how come nothing happens when I turn on my computer. I suppose it may have something to do with that wire that comes out the back. I can't figure out why they have something like that hanging off the computer at all. So I went ahead and cut it off, right near the box. But it still doesn't work at all. If I don't hear from you within the next ten days, I'm going to talk to my law firm, Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe. Angrily, Lester Bester My Dear Mr. Bester: What can I say.... Dear Bart: You probably don't remember me, but we met at COMDEX last year. I was so pleased to meet you and your young niece there. The reason I'm writing is to see if you could give me her address. I'd like very much to see her. I believe you told me that her name was Trixie. It's so nice when an older man like yourself takes such an interest in young people. Hopefully, Freddy D. Wolfe Dear Fred: Er....uh....well.... Dear Mr. Bartholomew: I hope you can help me. I ordered a new computer from this nice man who called me on the phone. He said he was from a company named Bogus Technologies. They had this great deal on a 50 Mhz. 80386 machine with all the trimmings for only $995. I gave the man the number from my Platinum American Express card. It's been six months now, and I haven't received it, but my American Express bill has sure been high. Is there something you can do? Worried, I. M. Stuck Dear Mr. Stuck: Well, give me your credit card number, and I'll do what I can. In the meantime, I have some bridge investment opportunities in New York I'd like to discuss with you. It's the chance of a lifetime for you. Eagerly, B. X. Eruditus That's all the space we have this month. Please keep those letters coming. WHAT'S HAPPEN'N IN SLOW TOWN While The Cat's Away... Well, Bob Ward is on vacation, so the newsletter this month is being done (badly) by your trustworthy president, George Campbell (See excellent photo below). It's always fun to take a stab at something new. The newsletter's likely to be a bit different from what you're used to seeing. By the time you've finished it, you'll forever be glad that Bob Ward is our Secretary. Despite all that, I'll try to get the news covered, and keep you informed about the current group activities. Who knows, there might even be some real information in here ... somewhere. In the meantime, sit back, turn your computer off, get a cup of coffee or Jolt Cola, the programmer's drink, and take a ride on the SLO BYTES Express. It's a ride that will take you to unexplored regions of computing. At the Last Meeting... The August meeting of SLO BYTES marked the return of Bryan Johanson from WordPerfect Corporation. As usual, the meeting was well attended, probably due to all the free stuff that the company's representative was giving away. "It's free," you say. "I'll have two of those...." Actually, of course, since quite a group of our members are using WordPerfect for their word processing software, the meeting was lively, with lots of questions thrown out. Bryan had his catcher's glove on, though, and fielded the questions with ease. Bryan gave away the usual M&Ms, plus calculators, and other valuable computer accessories. The lucky members who went away with goodies confirmed their loyalty to WordPerfect. The new user's meeting saw George (See excellent photo at left) demonstrating a couple of speech products from the COVOX company. The Amazing Speech Thing and the Voice Master Key are a pair of fascinating toys for the computer nerd who has everything. The high point of the demonstration was the Keyboard program which used The Incredible Speech Thing to sing a couple of little songs...with interesting sound effects. Can you say PTHPTHPTH? Well, if you can't, The Incredible Speech Thing certainly can, and in tune. Meanwhile, back in the dark halls of the software library, Sam Powers was holding court as usual, passing out free magazines and selling disks. He tells me that there is a big upsurge in requests for the special disks he keeps in a box under the table. C'mon Sam, let us know what's going on in there during the main meeting. The hallways around room 286 were buzzing, with information flying around like kamikaze planes. That's the main reason for these meetings, really, the exchange of information from member to member. I hear rumors that someone at the August meeting has figured out how to put 300 megabytes of data on a floppy disk. Can this be true, or did someone mistake August 6 for April 1? NOTE: Will the member who left their '386 laptop on the front counter please come forward. Call 555-1234 to reclaim your computer. Someone's bound to answer that phone one of these days. BBS Report... The Slo Bytes BBS, operating 24 hours/day (when there's nothing wrong with it) recently experienced a hard disk crash....or that's what we thought it was. What was really wrong, however, was a bug of some kind (it looked like one of those orange and black potato bugs) in the mother board. No hard disk...no bulletin board. With much assistance from Bob Ward (See excellent photo below), we got the thing switched into a new computer, the one we've been using in the library. The BBS is now back up and running, providing all those services you need daily. Since the BBS has been running, over 18 months so far, we've accumulated over 600 callers, and have logged about 13,000 calls, so it's no surprise that something goes wrong once in a while. The BBS now has users from over 20 states, plus Canada, Puerto Rico, Scotland, France, Luxembourg, Brazil, and Sweden. BBS (805)528-3753 Real Stuff Even when we're spoofing things a bit, we have to deal with the real world, and there are a few areas we need to cover, to make this newletter complete. I hope you all enjoyed my little trip into La-La land this month. I'm certain that Bob will be glad to take over the newsletter chores for the September issue. I know I'll be glad when he's back. It's been fun, folks, but I've gotta run! Member of the UGX on BIX, the on-line service for computing professionals. For information, call 800/227-2983. New Members Library News The following disks have been added to our library during the month of August: #342 TC810 TurboCalc 8.1, a nice little spreadsheet. SCHWAB11 calculate the cost of those stock transactions with Charles Schwab. BOOKKEEP bookkeeping & accounting program. #343 SHEZ40, Version 4.1 makes using and working with ARC or ZIP files user- friendly. #344 T-Ref ver 5.0T Ref is a complete and comprehensive source and cross reference lister for Turbo Pascal programs and units. Updates #249-251 PC-FILE+, version 3.0 A very popular database with many of the enhancements of its "big brother", PC-File dB including: Graph multiple variables, multiple pies and exploding pie wedges. IF/ELSE support in reports and letters. Fast clone options. Better support for LaserJet II compatible printers. Improved dBase import Improved PC-Label format Demo Disks #124 SeeMORE (EGA required) by Personics #125 Look&Linkc (CGA required) by Personics #126 RAPIDFILE 1.2 by Ashton-Tate September Meeting Where Cal Poly, Fisher Science 286 When September 3, 1989, 1:30 PM Featuring Demonstration of QUICKEN by Richard Katz, UCLA PCUG